"I don't believe this,' Diesel said. 'It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian...now have to be sex therapist for a guy who gives people a rash."

Humor, Frustration, Observation, Life

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"I don't believe this,' Diesel said. 'It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian...now have to be sex therapist for a guy who gives people a rash."

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"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

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"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

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"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

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"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

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"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

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Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

Explore more quotes by Janet Evanovich

"I could help you, I said. 'Counseling, drugs, a religious advisor, a girlfriend."

Support

"You never want to look in a mirror,' Lula said. 'Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym."

Humor

"That's why I'm not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don't need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened."

Lifestyle

"My father hired you to protect me,' Ahmed said, 'not to go off chasing men.' Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. 'We think this guy killed Fred.' 'Who's Fred?' 'My uncle,' I told him. 'He's married to Mabel.' 'Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing."

Justice

"Ranger 'How's your mental health?' he asked. 'I heard about Soder.'Stephanie 'I'm rattled.''I have a cure.'Oh, boy.He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. 'I know what you're thinking,' he said. 'And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work.''I knew that.'He looked over at me and grinned. 'You want me bad.'I did. God help me."

Romance

"I don't get writer's block because I don't believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen."

Writing

"I wasn't sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others."

Marriage

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."

Relationship

"Tastykakes are just another of the many advantages of living in Jersey. They're made in Philly and shipped to Trenton in all their fresh squishiness. I read once that 439,000 Butterscotch Krimpets are baked every day. And not a heck of a lot of them find their way to New Hampshire. All that snow and scenery and what good does it do you without Tastykakes?"

Culture

"That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you."

Relationship