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"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
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"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."
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Personal Development
"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."
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Personal Development
"A fishing-rod was a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other."
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Personal Development
"You cut life to pieces with your epigrams."
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Personal Development
"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
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Personal Development
"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."
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Personal Development
"Silena appeared out of the woods, her sword drawn. Her Aphrodite armour was pink and red, colour coordinated to match her clothes and makeup. She looked like Guerilla Warfare Barbie."
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Personal Development
"The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"
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Personal Development
"I understand we'll be attending your friend Miss Worthington's Christmas ball. Perhaps I'll find a suitable-- which is to say wealthy-- wife among the ladies attending."And perhaps they will run screaming for the convent."
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Personal Development
"All men are fools, if truth be told, but the ones in motley are more amusing than ones with crowns."
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"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
Happiness
"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows."
Religion
"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected."
Attitude
"He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'."
Health
"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself."
Mortality
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness."
Wisdom
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin."
Humor
"From his cradle to the grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object save one-to secure peace of mind spiritual comfort for himself."
Spiritual
"The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people."
Philosophy
"I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it."
Health
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