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"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
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Personal Development
"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."
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Personal Development
"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."
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Personal Development
"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"
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Personal Development
"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"
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Personal Development
"New York is a sucked orange."
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Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
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"Time is a waste of money."
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Personal Development
"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."
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Personal Development
"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."
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"Put all thine eggs in one basket and - watch that basket."
Advice
"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't."
Morality
"Use what you stand for and what you oppose as a foundation to write great content that resonates with readers and creates a ripple effect."
Advice
"Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove!"
Advice
"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."
Empathy
"The Public is merely a multiplied "me.""
Unity
"In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust' but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par."
Religion
"Children have but little charity for each other's defects."
Humanity
"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul."
Unity
"The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."
Perception
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