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"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Blind
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
Night
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
Building
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
Now
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Driving
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
Age
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Drink
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Car
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Kitchen
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
Marriage
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"I had to have a large kitchen because I look to cook."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am spoiled, it's true. I don't even know how to use that thing in the kitchen with the burners."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm good in the kitchen. I can cook seafood, collard greens, black-eyed peas."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The most important thing in the kitchen is the waste paper basket and it needs to be centrally located."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Good kitchen equipment is expensive, but most items last a lifetime and will pay for themselves over and over again."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The kitchen may not get cleaned, and I have to accept that. I do the important things."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The best thing I have is the knife from Fatal Attraction. I hung it in my kitchen. It's my way of saying, Don't mess with me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"What's a soup kitchen?"
Author Name
Personal Development
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