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Johnny Vegas

"There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out."

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"There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out."

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"To me, living in the present means being aware of your conscious choice to focus on the past, present or future - it is not necessarily having to focus on the present."

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"Plagiarists are always suspicious of being stolen from."

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"Initiative is doing the right thing without being told."

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"Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent."

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"Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."

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Amber Hurdle

"Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth."

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"One cannot be deeply responsive to the world without being saddened very often."

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Amber Hurdle

"Your unstoppable nature is becoming and blooming - you simply, are. Go easy."

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"You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led."
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"Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!"
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"With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle."
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"I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again."
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"I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind."
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"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."
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"I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one."
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"There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource."
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"It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether."
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"For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason."
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