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Quotes by Cartoonist
"Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?"
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"HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."
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"BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!"
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"You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!"
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"Now what state do you live in?''Denial."
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"Specifically, I'd like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it's less wasteful."
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"I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple."
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"In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories."
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"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."
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"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse."
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"CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment."
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"Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?"
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"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."
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"I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know."
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"I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here."
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"Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that."
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"Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes."
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"Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one."
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"I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!"
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"Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat."
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"I liked things better when I didn't understand them."
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"I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky."
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"CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight."
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"Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?"
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"You can present the material, but you can't make me care."
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"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
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"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble."
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"Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess."
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"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."
"CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God."
"Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it."
"I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point."
"Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?"
"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze 'em?"
"At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own."
"Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables."
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."
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