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"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse."
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"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."
"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Explore more quotes by Bill Watterson
"That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder."
"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."
"You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!"
"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."
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