"Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt."

"Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere."

"There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list."

"I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning."

"What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text."

"Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants."

"The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable."

"Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has had an American nuclear family can tell you, this was a relief to all concerned."

"Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce."

"The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?"

"The whole idea of government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it."

"Most people sort of enjoy going to work because of the socialisation, a chance to flirt with co-workers and so on, but actually hate the job they do."

"If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions."

"The American political system is like fast food--mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things...and everybody wants some."

"I grew up going to public school, and they were huge public schools. I went to a school that had 3,200 kids, and I had grade school classes with 40-some kids. Discipline was rigid. Most of the learning was rote. It worked."

"I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad."

"I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics."

"Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue."

"Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed."

"People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that was polarized.'"

"Never fight an inanimate object."

"Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have."

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

"If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography."

"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."

"Never wear anything that panics the cat."

"Space has always been confusing to politics."

"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."

"The more aspects of life that can be moved from private reign to public realm, the better it is for politics."

"The only advantage to being a middle-aged man is that when you put on a jacket and tie, you're the Scary Dad. Never mind that no one has had an actually scary dad since 1966. The visceral fear remains."

"The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen."