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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She watched him for a long moment, an adorably annoyed frown wrinkling her forehead. "You're obnoxious when you're right."
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Personal Development
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"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
History
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
Life
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Woman
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."
Consequence
"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
Will
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
Car
"Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient."
Politics
"The average IQ in America is-and this can be proven mathematically-average."
Intelligence
"Never fight an inanimate object."
Fight
"I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad."
Parenting
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