"When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off."

"The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them."

"I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there."

"Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures."

"But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy."

"That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment."

"Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better."

"I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian."

"When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot."

"Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with."

"Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you."

"Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face."

"Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make."

"I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck."

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

"Nothing's funny about someone who's successful."

"I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated."

"When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show."

"There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it."

"I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid."

"People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are."

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."

"Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there."

"As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything."

"Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now."