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"Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with."
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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."

"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
Explore more quotes by Drew Carey

"The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them."

"Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you."

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

"Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now."
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