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Drew Carey

"Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with."

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"Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with."

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"Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous."

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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

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"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."

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"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."

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"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."

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Asa Don Brown

"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."

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Asa Don Brown

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

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Asa Don Brown

"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."

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Asa Don Brown

"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."

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"When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off."
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"I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid."
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"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."
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"Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better."
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"The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them."
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"There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it."
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"But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy."
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"Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you."
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"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."
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"Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now."
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