"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."

Car, People

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"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."

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"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Car, Dogs, Nothing, Right

"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Car, Racing

"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."

Joyce Carol Oates, American Novelist

Car, Driving, Housework, Silence

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car, Friend, Friends

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

Woody Allen, American Director

Car, Being

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car,

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Car, Kids

"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."

Adlai E. Stevenson, American Politician

Car, Washington

"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

Hunter S. Thompson, American Journalist

Car, Money, America, Killing

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

Eleanor Roosevelt, American First Lady

Car, Time, Behavior, President

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

Now

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Car

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

Future

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

Purpose

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Car

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

Friendship

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

Time

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Exlpore more Car quotes

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."

"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."