top of page
.png){kind=small}
Quotes by Comedian
"When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me."
12
"If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod."
12
"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
12
"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."
12
"Children are far more interesting to work with than grownups. They're incredibly honest. They'll tell you exactly what they think."
11
"I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world."
11
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
11
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
10
"If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. 'We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry!"
10
"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."
10
bottom of page