"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

Now, Santa claus, Weather

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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

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"I'm not afraid of O.J. now."

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"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

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"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

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"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

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Aging

"I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy."

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"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."

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"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

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Exlpore more Now quotes

"Salary arbitration is probably in place - was put in place then and probably is in place now - because I supported it."

"Four years was enough of Harvard. I still had a lot to learn, but had been given the liberating notion that now I could teach myself."

"I wish the word whimsical wasn't used now."

"From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way."

"Probably Romania and China and Russia. I think they're all working really hard to beat us right now."

"It just meant a lot because it's something I've always wanted to do. I've always wanted to be a Senior National Champ. I was Junior National Champ in 2002, so now to be the senior champ is great."

"A lot of the things that until now seemed unthinkable are starting to be thinkable."

"I'm not afraid of O.J. now."

"I don't know what psychotherapy does. I have been seeing the same person for 26 years now."

"Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up."

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."

"I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy."

"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

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"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research."