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All Quotes Collection
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."
12
"Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left."
46
"Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."
15
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."
59
"Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
49
"Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having."
52
"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
11
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
47
"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
16
"Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends."
32
"Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another."
13
"Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity."
46
"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it."
48
"A man is known by the company he organizes."
16
"Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state."
20
"Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age."
19
"Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be."
22
"Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul."
20
"Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions."
15
"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility."
12
"Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness."
48
"Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon."
14
"Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."
23
"Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others."
19
"Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C."
37
"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead."
13
"Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh."
19
"Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."
63
"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain."
66
"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues."
18
"Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."
51
"Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue."
42
"Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due."
59
"Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."
30
"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."
52
"Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance."
15
"Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized."
14
"Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond."
43
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
63
"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense."
52
"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice."
20
"The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations."
16
"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
20
"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."
17
"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."
22
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