"If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public."

"Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on."

"The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you."

"Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause."

"Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable."

"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?"

"Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience."

"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you."

"The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."

"It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it."

"As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith."

"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while."

"It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."

"The world gels better every day - then worse again in the evening."

"There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick."

"Listening is the only way to entertain some folks."

"An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed."

"All the world loves a good loser."

"Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil."

"Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home."

"Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs."

"Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny."

"Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught."

"Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid."

"No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech."

"I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity."

"If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us."

"Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble."

"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."

"It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you."

"Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it."

"There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them."

"The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store."

"There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose."

"The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing."

"A loafer always has the correct time."

"Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt."

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."

"We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate."

"Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count."

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."

"If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation."

"A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen."

"Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper."

"Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family."

"I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans."

"It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about."

"Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely."

"It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game."