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"Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet's father's ghost and what stays is dry bones."
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Personal Development
"Look, he's winding up the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike."
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Personal Development
"He who has provoked the lash of wit, cannot complain that he smarts from it."
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Personal Development
"This is a lot more satisfying," he said, "when I have intelligent life whom I can render awed, rapt with attention for my clever verbosity."The ugly lizard-crab-thing on the next rock over clicked its claw, an almost hesitant sound."Your right, of course," Wit said. "My usual audience isn't particularly intelligent. That was also the obvious joke, however, so shame on you."
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Personal Development
"When you have wit of your own, it's a pleasure to credit other people for theirs."
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Personal Development
"Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade."
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Personal Development
"Take a pinch of snuff, doctor, and acknowledge that I have scored over you in your example."
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Personal Development
"She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner."
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Personal Development
"Make the doors upon a woman's wit,and it will out at the casement;shut that, and 'twill out at the key-hole;stop that, 'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney."
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Personal Development
"Indeed I had not much wit, yet I was not an idiot - my wit was according to my years."
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Personal Development
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
Men
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
Father
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"Take my wife... Please!"
Wife
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Car
"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
Time
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."
Talent
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