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"Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet's father's ghost and what stays is dry bones."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she'll end up taking over."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This is a lot more satisfying," he said, "when I have intelligent life whom I can render awed, rapt with attention for my clever verbosity."The ugly lizard-crab-thing on the next rock over clicked its claw, an almost hesitant sound."Your right, of course," Wit said. "My usual audience isn't particularly intelligent. That was also the obvious joke, however, so shame on you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm keeping my acerbic wit completely fueled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"That's your solution? Have a cookie?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you have wit of your own, it's a pleasure to credit other people for theirs."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Gabe scratched his double chin. "Maybe if you hurry with the seven-layer dip...And maybe if the kid apologizes for interrupting my poker game."Maybe if I kick you in your soft spot, I thought. And make you sing Soprano for a week."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your wit makes others witty."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
Help
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
Sleep
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
Golf
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
Holiday
"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
God
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
Time
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