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Henny Youngman

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."

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"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."

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Akiroq Brost

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

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Akiroq Brost

"And I'm as attached to my wife as anybody can be to another human being."

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Akiroq Brost

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

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Akiroq Brost

"My wife and I have always trusted each other, and I have to thank her strength."

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Akiroq Brost

"A man's best fortune, or his worst, is his wife."

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Akiroq Brost

"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."

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Akiroq Brost

"A successful woman preacher was once asked what special obstacles have you met as a woman in the ministry? Not one, she answered, except the lack of a minister's wife."

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Akiroq Brost

"I think my wife saw a picture of the rock group Journey, and they're kind of aging, and the one guy had dyed blonde hair with black roots, and... my idea was to get a little earring, I wanted to have a dangling earring."

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Akiroq Brost

"My wife and I, we like to ride where there's not much traffic."

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Akiroq Brost

"My former wife is a truly wonderful person."

Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
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Henny Youngman
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
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Henny Youngman
"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
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Henny Youngman
"You have a nice personality, but not for a human being."
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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
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Henny Youngman
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
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Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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Henny Youngman
"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
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Henny Youngman
"Take my wife... Please!"
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