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"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The last two years with the Eagles were pretty intense times. There was a lot of drinking and we were all getting high a lot. My parents were relieved when I got off the Eagles treadmill."
Author Name
Personal Development
"At the Olympics in China, every color was represented... and that was just the drinking water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's a fairly recent thing but I've become very fond of making drinks myself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Often when a person can't get past stress, she will turn to overeating, drinking or smoking, which can become a greater problem than the stress itself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Drinking intensifies all your pressures and your needs."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
Men
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"Take my wife... Please!"
Wife
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Car
"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
Time
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."
Talent
"That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"
Time
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