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"It totally ruins my voice. I quit smoking, drinking, and doing ecstasy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I haven't been drinking for years now. Something's got to give. I don't mind that I'm a guy that's stopped drinking, though this interview is making me mighty thirsty."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The piano has been drinking, not me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The whole world is about three drinks behind."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I quit drinking, so I can think clear. When you have chop trouble, drinking doesn't help the healing process."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Its liquor is like the sweetest dew from Heaven."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
Help
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
Sleep
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
Golf
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
Holiday
"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
Wife
"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
God
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