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Eoin Colfer

"The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head."

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"The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head."

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Amber Hurdle

"Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)' I thinks she's going to break my heart' On arrival of the girl' The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death."

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Amber Hurdle

"I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor."

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Amber Hurdle

"So I am death' Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast.'This is death toast sweety."

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Amber Hurdle

"Whistler,' Manet called. 'How's your mother?"

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Amber Hurdle

"But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?"

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Amber Hurdle

"No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce."

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Amber Hurdle

"Baz arched an elegant brow. "Are you going to snog the Humdrum-is that your plan? Because he's eleven. And he looks just like you. That's both vain and deviant, Snow, even for you."

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Amber Hurdle

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

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Eoin Colfer
"This was business."
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Eoin Colfer
"Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense."
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Eoin Colfer
"Artemis: 'Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.'Myles: 'In Paris.'Artemis: 'Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?'Beckett: 'Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?'Myles: 'I agree with simple-toon.'Artemis: 'No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'Beckett: 'Itchy what?"
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Eoin Colfer
"Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch."
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Eoin Colfer
"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."
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Eoin Colfer
"Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries."
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Eoin Colfer
"In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter-they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught."
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Eoin Colfer
"Don't hate me forever, Arty,' whispered Holly. 'I couldn't bear that."
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Eoin Colfer
"The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting."
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Eoin Colfer
"Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?'Artemis blinked. 'Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity."
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