"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

Birthday, Wife, Man, Respect

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"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

Exlpore more Birthday quotes

"I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed."

Gene Tierney, American Actress

Birthday, Hollywood

"Lucy took care of me on the set, and made sure that none of the crew cussed around me. She also had birthday parties for me and made sure that they were well attended."

Keith Thibodeaux, American Musician

Birthday, Care

"One I built when I was a kid, and it was a real miniature of Disneyland. I fell in love with the park when I went there with my parents on my 12th birthday."

Bobby Sherman, American Musician

Birthday, Love, Parents

"I suddenly realized how much I loved her when we attended Alfred Hitchcock's 75th birthday party last August. There was something magical about that night, and it made me see how much she really meant to me."

Rod Taylor, Australian Actor

Birthday, Night, Party

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Birthday, Fight

"We didn't have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic."

Lance Burton, American Entertainer

Birthday, Money, Time, Books

"I have had fans make me the big picture collages of the photo books; I have had fans send me birthday cakes... sing to me on my voicemail. I have had fans flash me. I have had older fans give me their bras and underwear onstage."

Puff Daddy, American Musician

Birthday, Books, Fans

"I'm trying to get the record that I made at my birthday party last year, trying to get that out, and the lawyers are diddling around with it and it probably won't be out until next year. I don't know."

Marian McPartland, English Musician

Birthday, Lawyers, Party, Trying

"My second play, The Birthday Party, I wrote in 1958 - or 1957. It was totally destroyed by the critics of the day, who called it an absolute load of rubbish."

Harold Pinter, English Dramatist

Birthday, Party, Play

"The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him."

Matthew Sweet, American Musician

Birthday, Party, Summer

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Age

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

Drink

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

Home

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

Wife

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

Control

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

Opinion

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Exlpore more Birthday quotes

"I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed."

"Lucy took care of me on the set, and made sure that none of the crew cussed around me. She also had birthday parties for me and made sure that they were well attended."

"One I built when I was a kid, and it was a real miniature of Disneyland. I fell in love with the park when I went there with my parents on my 12th birthday."

"I suddenly realized how much I loved her when we attended Alfred Hitchcock's 75th birthday party last August. There was something magical about that night, and it made me see how much she really meant to me."

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

"We didn't have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic."

"I have had fans make me the big picture collages of the photo books; I have had fans send me birthday cakes... sing to me on my voicemail. I have had fans flash me. I have had older fans give me their bras and underwear onstage."

"I'm trying to get the record that I made at my birthday party last year, trying to get that out, and the lawyers are diddling around with it and it probably won't be out until next year. I don't know."

"My second play, The Birthday Party, I wrote in 1958 - or 1957. It was totally destroyed by the critics of the day, who called it an absolute load of rubbish."

"The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him."

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

"Life is just a bowl of pits."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."