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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
Argument
"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
Favorite
"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend."
Mother
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Family
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Wife
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Wife
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
Mother
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Wife
"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."
Father
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Drink
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"I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It was my 16th birthday - my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do - write songs and sing them to people."
Author Name
Personal Development
"With a recent birthday, I've been acting now for twenty years."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Mattresses! Beautiful! Let's go buy a couple of mattresses. Give 'em to people for their birthday."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I wasn't very good about juggling family and my career. I was interested in who was coming to the children's birthday party, what my son was writing. I was thinking about Legos."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My son had his eighth birthday recently and we had a chance to borrow the film and show it to all of his friends that was at his birthday party and they loved it. I was a little nervous. I said they might not even like it, and say his daddy's movie is wack, but they loved it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to a rare live Van Dyke show and met him there. And then he came to a show of mine and we spoke back stage. The third time was at Brian Wilson's birthday party."
Author Name
Personal Development
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