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"Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done. He winked at Butler.'Are you sure you're at the library? I thought I heard water.Artemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. 'Water? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information.'Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you're wearing that smug smile of yours."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."
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Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
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Personal Development

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development

"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."
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Personal Development

"Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it."
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Personal Development

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development

"Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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Personal Development

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
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"Some people just needed to be stolen from."
Crime

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"
Conflict

"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order A la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"
Individuality

"That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart."
Insight

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
Comedy

"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."
Protection

"Excuse me, Tex,' the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits."
Life

"The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present."
History

"Artemis: 'Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.'Myles: 'In Paris.'Artemis: 'Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?'Beckett: 'Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?'Myles: 'I agree with simple-toon.'Artemis: 'No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'Beckett: 'Itchy what?"
Wit

"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?"
Leadership
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