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"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."
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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."
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Personal Development
"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."
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Personal Development
"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."
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Personal Development
"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."
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Personal Development
"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."
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Personal Development
"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."
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Personal Development
"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."
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Personal Development
"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."
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Personal Development
"Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude."
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Personal Development
"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."
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"Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish."
Personality
"There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful."
Family
"I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won't."
Will
"We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs."
Drugs
"Every Vacation movie didn't just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money."
Money
"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."
Humor
"You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts."
Fact
"I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars."
Fans
"Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else."
Kids
"It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it."
Movies
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