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Steven Wright

"Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."

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"Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."

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Asa Don Brown

"Self-slaughter is an extravagant enactment of feeling sorry for oneself. Suicide is stingy act, because no matter how wretched our life may currently be, a person can always rise tomorrow and perform some small act of kindness for other people, care for a pet, or perform some other caring act that works towards preserving nature's graciousness. To die of their own hand is to cheat other people and shortchange Mother Nature; it is taking without giving back in kind. What combats suicide is a sense of gratitude, a willingness to give to other people, and to cease living life as a taker. Without a profound appreciation for all that is living and devoid of a sincere willingness to contribute to the flourishing of all life forms, one can callously write off the value of their own life."

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Asa Don Brown

"Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS."

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Asa Don Brown

"It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late."

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Asa Don Brown

"I have a suicide impulse."

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Asa Don Brown

"Killing myself was a matter of such indifference to me that I felt like waiting for a moment when it would make some difference."

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Asa Don Brown

"Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you reenlist."

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Asa Don Brown

"But of course it's always gonna be Suicide, our fingerprints, ya know? You can't ever get rid of that."

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Asa Don Brown

"He said you were the only one who was bitter about S.'s suicide and the only one who really forgave him for it. The rest of us, he said, were outwardly unbitter and inwardly unforgiving."

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Asa Don Brown

"I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do."

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Asa Don Brown

"I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens."

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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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