"I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."

Humor, Football, Family, Escape

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"I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary, Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. "I don't think 'assholeness' is a word."It is if I say it is. Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point."

Jennifer L. Armentrout, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Speech, Temper

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Social, Interaction

"This was not of the nature of a Christlike lesson for Owen Meany to learn, as he lay in the manger, that someone you hate can give you a hard-on."

John Irving, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Religion, Truth

"Vengeance was one hell of a roommate."

J.R. Ward, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Observation, Personality

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

Christopher Hitchens, American Author

Humor, Economy, Choice, Alcohol

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

Irvin S. Cobb, American Journalist

Humor, Tragedy

Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson

"When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English."

Humor

"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."

Humor

"It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure."

Risk

"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."

Humanity

"They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best."

Thought

"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."

Politics

"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"

Capitalism

"I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!"

Confusion

"I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure."

Chaos

"I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane."

Irony