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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands."
"Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape."
"I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist."
"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."
"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
"Strange star - like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."
"School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic - I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit."
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