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Steven Wright

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."

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"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."

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Asa Don Brown

"The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?""

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Asa Don Brown

"What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds."

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Asa Don Brown

"America is the most fertile ground of opportunity."

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Asa Don Brown

"In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment."

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Asa Don Brown

"Ian and Sylvia, who, when you got right down to it, were essentially country and western singers. I just recorded his Four Strong Winds. It's a wonderful song."

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Asa Don Brown

"The glory of the old Irish nation, which in our hour will grow young and strong again. Should we fail, the country will not be worth more than it is now. The sword of famine is less sparing than the bayonet of the soldier."

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Asa Don Brown

"I drove across country in my yellow 1970 VW bug (which I drove until 1986) to Los Angeles, having had enough cold weather in 5 years in Ann Arbor, and found a job within a few days."

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Asa Don Brown

"There is a serious, immediate and extraordinarily grave threat to the continued existence of this country."

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Asa Don Brown

"So, we're saying, if we can give developers and builders incentives to cut down on the regulatory barriers that are faced in this country, then we might be able to address the needs of affordable housing."

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Asa Don Brown

"The Covenant of the League of Nations had envisaged sponsoring only the protection of certain categories of men: national minorities and populations of territories controlled by other countries."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car,
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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