"I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall....well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me."

Absurdity, Humor, Secrecy, Embarrassment

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"I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall....well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Irony, Wit

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Humor, Identity, Confusion

"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Absurdity, Philosophy, Irony, Death

"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Performance

"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."

Gena Showalter, American Novelist

Absurdity, Humor, Violence, Dialogue

"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Loss, Irony

"All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?"

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Absurdity, Humor, Animals, Playfulness

"In some warped way, having an embalmed body with us made perfect sense."

Tahir Shah, British Author

Absurdity, Death, Grief, Acceptance

"Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later."

R. Alan Woods, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Stereotype, Sarcasm

"Joseph, you're out of clean towels. Lucia poked her head into the living room, the rest of her hidden behind the wall. Her red hair dripped water onto my wooden floors.'She's in the buff. Jenna guffawed. Gabriella rolled her eyes, beaming.I rose. 'Go back to the bathroom. I'll bring you a towel, I ordered Lucia. She disappeared down the hall.'You have naked angels running around your house, Jenna continued through her laughter. Gabby laughed louder."

Laura Kreitzer, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Embarrassment, Dialogue

Explore more quotes by Oprah Winfrey

"What I find powerful is a person withthe confidence to be her own self."

Confidence

"Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a new way to stand."

Challenge

"The greatest lesson of life is that you are responsible for your life."

Responsibility

"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive."

Calling

"The enjoyment comes from knowing the receiver understands the spirit of the gift."

Giving

"She will always be the rainbow in my clouds."

Hope

"With age comes the understanding and appreciation of your most important asset, your health."

Health

"Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present moment, because life is now."

Presence

"Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration moving you from negative energy to positive."

Gratitude

"Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself."

Purpose