"I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall....well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me."

Absurdity, Humor, Secrecy, Embarrassment

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"I have a special pair of poop shoes under my desk. Whenever I need to drop a deuce, I slip them on and scurry to the restroom, and no one ever knows it's me. Like, if I'm wearing Louboutins that day, and my producer sees Earth shoes in the stall....well, you get the idea. It was truly a lightbulb moment when that came to me."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Humor, Identity, Confusion

"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Performance

"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"

Soren Kierkegaard, Danish Philosopher

Absurdity, Existence, Youth, Achievement

"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Absurdity, Philosophy, Irony, Death

"Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works."

Sherman Alexie, American Writer

Absurdity, Death, Food, Ritual

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Irony, Wit

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Authority, Rebellion

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Justice, Identity, Humor

"Bursar?"Yes, Archchancellor?"You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"Me? No, Archchancellor."Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Absurdity, Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Violence, Reaction

Explore more quotes by Oprah Winfrey

"Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi."

Age

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."

Life

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

People

"My first day in Chicago, September 4, 1983. I set foot in this city, and just walking down the street, it was like roots, like the motherland. I knew I belonged here."

Chicago

"If you come to fame not understanding who you are, it will define who you are."

Fame

"I always knew I was destined for greatness."

Greatness

"In the mist of Difficulty lies Opportunity."

Opportunity

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