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Rita Rudner

"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""

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"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""

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Asa Don Brown

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

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Asa Don Brown

"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

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Asa Don Brown

"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."

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Asa Don Brown

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

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Asa Don Brown

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

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Asa Don Brown

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Car,
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Asa Don Brown

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

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Asa Don Brown

"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."

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Asa Don Brown

"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

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Asa Don Brown

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."
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Rita Rudner
"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."
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Rita Rudner
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
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Rita Rudner
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
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Rita Rudner
"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."
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Rita Rudner
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
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Rita Rudner
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
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Rita Rudner
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
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Rita Rudner
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
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Rita Rudner
"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."
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