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Henny Youngman

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

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Donna Grant

"I've been drinking and using since I was 13."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"It totally ruins my voice. I quit smoking, drinking, and doing ecstasy."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I haven't been drinking for years now. Something's got to give. I don't mind that I'm a guy that's stopped drinking, though this interview is making me mighty thirsty."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The piano has been drinking, not me."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I have no inhibitions about smoking or drinking, but I think too much of my voice to place it in jeopardy. I have spent many good years in training and cultivating it, and I would be foolish to do anything which might impair or ruin it."

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Donna Grant

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking."

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Donna Grant

"The whole world is about three drinks behind."

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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."

Worth

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Henny Youngman
"That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"

Time

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Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Wife

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Henny Youngman
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

Man

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Henny Youngman
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

Mother

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Henny Youngman
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

Help

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Henny Youngman
"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."

Mother

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Henny Youngman
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."

Talent

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Henny Youngman
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

Home

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Henny Youngman
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."

Sleep

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