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Jeff Foxworthy

"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."

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"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."

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Asa Don Brown

"If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter."

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"A man's best fortune, or his worst, is his wife."

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"He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows."

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"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

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"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

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"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

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Asa Don Brown

"I am so glad my wife tolerates me. And we have three wonderful sons."

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Asa Don Brown

"So I decided to form a production company with my wife and our partner Diane."

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Asa Don Brown

"I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife."

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Asa Don Brown

"If a composer has a nice wife and some nice children, how can he let the children starve on his dissonances?"

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Jeff Foxworthy
"For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."
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"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?"
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"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
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"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."
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"I really don't require a whole lot in life."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"
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