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"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
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"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
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Personal Development
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Agnes Darling, if such should be we never meet again, while firing my last shot, I will gently breathe the name of my wife - Agnes - and with wishes even for my enemies I will make the plunge and try to swim to the other shore."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think it all comes down to relationships - how I treat my wife, how I treat my kids, how I treat the guys at the grocery store, all aspects of every day, what I'm involved in."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had been in a film, playing a young British aristocrat. My wife told me that she was invited to a dinner and she invited me to dinner and the hostess had seen me and said, 'You cannot bring him.' but I think that I've done enough to shatter the image."
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Personal Development
"And I had to take care of a little dog too named Suzy. It was the promoter's wife's - Judy Lynn's - it was her dog. And one of my duties going on the tour was to take care of it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The studio rented a house for my wife in Los Angeles under a phony name to keep reporters away. Whenever I wanted to visit her and my children, I would have to sneak in the back door after dark."
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Personal Development
"Two more years were to go by before I knew anything about William Blake. Many years later, when his wife died, my godfather gave me the two books as a remembrance."
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Personal Development
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"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
President
"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
People
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
People
"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."
Home
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
Job
"If men have a smell it's usually an accident."
Men
"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"
Baby
"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
Wife
"Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on."
Love
"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
Goal
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