"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."

Wife, Now

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"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."

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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Henny Youngman, American Comedian

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"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

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"I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan."

Corey Feldman, American Actor

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"I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?"

Luis Guzman, Puerto Rican Actor

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"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

Darius Rucker, American Musician

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"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife."

Franz Schubert, Austrian Composer

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"It was there I met my future wife, Celeste Landry, although our lives took us separate ways for many years and we were not to marry until more than ten years later."

Eric Allin Cornell, American Physicist

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"I was seeing a lot of really good things about Get Shorty when it came out, and my wife pointed out that if you validate the good reviews, you also have to validate the bad reviews."

Barry Sonnenfeld, American Producer

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"If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife."

Ryan Stiles, American Actor

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"My wife volunteered her services as Red Cross nurse, insisting upon being sent to the front, in order to be as near me as could be, but it developed later that no nurse was allowed to go farther than the large troop hospitals far in the rear of the actual operations."

Fritz Kreisler, Austrian Composer

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Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"

Baby

"People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school."

People

"I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods."

Day

"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."

Present

"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."

Thought

"Nothing in life prepares you to be famous."

Life

"I really don't require a whole lot in life."

Life

"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."

Job

"For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."

Family

"I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument."

Family