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"My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere."
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"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

"My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."

"Gypsy was the name my brother gave a pet turtle he had. I always thought it was so peculiar."

"I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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