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"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."
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"I felt my mother about the place. I don't think she haunts me, but I wouldn't put it past her."

"When I saw Virginia Woolf, somewhere between the first and second acts, someone I had known as my mother became somebody else."

"My mother and father were fantastic, very active. I find it difficult to say this, but I'm quite a loving person and I've always been loving to my friends. In the long run, that pays off. I'm very interested in other people, and if you are, they're interested in you."
Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
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