top of page
Exlpore more Now quotes

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."

"We all now tell stories by cutting from one dramatic scene to the next, whereas Victorian novelists felt free to write long passages of undramatic summary."
Now,

"You will now have a starting place and a destination, and you will be able to determine what it will cost you to get there. You will be going someplace."

"Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They've been ex-teammates for years now."
Explore more quotes by Tommy Cooper


"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"


"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"


"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."


"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"


"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"


"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"


"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
bottom of page