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"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Do not postpone your problems, solve them now! Because tomorrow you might be weaker than today and there might arise additional problems! Unsheathe your sword now; forget tomorrow, time is now!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had redesigned my entire amplifier system for this tour because airlines are very strict now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow."
Author Name
Personal Development
"So now what happens is the cameras follow me around and capture exactly what I've been doing since I was a boy. Only now we have a team of, you know, like 73 of us, and it's gone beyond that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I were to write Web now, it would be a much, much darker book."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You go out with a girl you used to date, she looks so damn good, and then at a certain point you say, Boy, now I remember. I know why I left!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'll tell you what 20 years teaches you - is that if one thing doesn't last something else will come down the pipe and to go from that and to do these films now."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
Thought
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Car
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
Now
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
Marriage
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
Age
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
Building
"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."
Windows
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Driving
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Drink
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Kitchen
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