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"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Do not postpone your problems, solve them now! Because tomorrow you might be weaker than today and there might arise additional problems! Unsheathe your sword now; forget tomorrow, time is now!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow."
Author Name
Personal Development
"So now what happens is the cameras follow me around and capture exactly what I've been doing since I was a boy. Only now we have a team of, you know, like 73 of us, and it's gone beyond that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You go out with a girl you used to date, she looks so damn good, and then at a certain point you say, Boy, now I remember. I know why I left!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'll tell you what 20 years teaches you - is that if one thing doesn't last something else will come down the pipe and to go from that and to do these films now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are enough no smoking places now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"And maybe I'm a little smarter now than I was before for all the stupid things I've done."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Car
"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."
Windows
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Driving
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Drink
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Kitchen
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Blind
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
Night
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
Now
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
Marriage
"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
Thought
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