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"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
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"Our national media refuses to report that even the Supreme Court did not say marriage was a human right in all cases nor did it say that the heterosexual definition violated anyone's right or that the heterosexual definition of marriage was unconstitutional."
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Personal Development
"Just as one has no choice but to defecate, one has no choice but to get married. If your mind remains single, then there is no problem. However, one has no choice but marry if the mind is already married."
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Personal Development
"A young man married is a man that's marred."
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Personal Development
"A man with a good wife is the luckiest of God's creatures, and one without must be among the most miserable, I think, the only true blessing of their lives that they don't know how poorly off they are."
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Personal Development
"When she had first crossed the dry and dusty world which his mind inhabited she had been like a spring shower; in opening himself to it he had not been mistaken. He had gone wrong only in assuming that marriage, by itself, gave him either power or title to appropriate that freshness. As he now saw, one might as well have thought one could buy a sunset by buying the field from which one had seen it."
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Personal Development
"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Personal Development
"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."
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Personal Development
"What tale do you like best to hear?' 'Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme - courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe - marriage."
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Personal Development
"What nonsense people talk about happy marriages!" exclaimed Lord Henry. " A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her."
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Personal Development
"An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know."
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"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Luck
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Drink
"My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock."
Gay
"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
Ugly
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Wife
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Being
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
Marriage
"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself."
Being
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Wife
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
Kids
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