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"It was just at the end of the golden era of BBC comedy, which was fantastic."
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"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"

"Stand-up comedy and poverty. Those were my two main endeavors."

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
Explore more quotes by John Leeson

"But here I am today recording this and I'm in the studio with all the others on a clean mic. It's extraordinary, the actor's found a way of doing it for himself."

"Dick Mills was in charge of sound effects and all the rest then, and he put the voice through a ring modulator or whatever gizmos he'd got at the time to make it sound a little more electronic."

"No, I'm at full height, I'm in the studio, I can actually catch actors by the eye, it's fantastic."

"It couldn't sound like a dog, because K9 isn't a dog, but I made it sound as mechanical as possible."

"Martin Jarvis was to have played the part originally but I think I had longer hair or something, I know not."
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