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"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."
Explore more quotes by Bud Abbott
"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."
"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."
"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."
"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."
"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"
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