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"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
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"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."
Explore more quotes by Bud Abbott
"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"
"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."
"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."
"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."
"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."
"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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