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"I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems."
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Exlpore more Car quotes
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car,
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
"A muscle is like a car. If you want it to run well early in the morning, you have to warm it up."
"A guy came to the shop every day. A lot of guys put the foam like stuff that forms to you, kinda like the Indy car guys run. He fitted it up and it felt real good, so we're going to try to run it."
"Why do people talk of the horrors of old age? It's great. I feel like a fine old car with the parts gradually wearing out, but I'm not complaining,... Those who find growing old terrible are people who haven't done what they wanted with their lives."
"I was encouraged to hear that GM has made great progress on the hydrogen car."
"I get appalled when I see good drivers being left on the sidelines because they haven't come up with the half million to a million to put themselves in a competitive car."
"Discount air fares, a car in every parking space and the interstate highway system have made every place accessible - and every place alike."
"All the times being like, 'Who rented this car and why are we going to this place?' You take the easy route and go, 'Oh, thanks for the champagne. I'll have another.'"
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"
"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
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