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Steven Wright

"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"

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"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"

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Asa Don Brown

"It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind."

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"If you say a word against a 'sensitive' person, it will have an immediate effect. In reality, words are simply a 'record' playing."

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"The world's most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife."

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"The word of my lord is the sword for world."

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"My word fly up my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

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"That word, fan, has always kind of bothered me."

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Asa Don Brown

"I began in an era where four-letter words were not allowed."

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Asa Don Brown

"'Realistic' is a loaded word for me. Anyone who uses the word 'realistic' is all bad."

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Asa Don Brown

"And it should be the law: If you use the word "paradigm" without knowing what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions."

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Asa Don Brown

"If words are not things, or maps are not the actual territory, then, obviously, the only possible link between the objective world and the linguistic world is found in structure, and structure alone."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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