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"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy."
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"Freedom is not an ideal, it is not even a protection, if it means nothing more than freedom to stagnate, to live without dreams, to have no greater aim than a second car and another television set."
"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."
"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
"The idea that maybe you don't have to own a car if you only need one occasionally may catch on, just like time-sharing caught on in real estate."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy."
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