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"The Hawaiian language is quite unusual because when the original Polynesians came in their canoes, most of their consonants were washed overboard in a storm, and they arrived here with almost nothing but vowels. All the streets have names like Kal'ia'iou'amaa'aaa'eiou, and many street signs spontaneously generate new syllables during the night."
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"To handle a language skillfully is to practice a kind of evocative sorcery."

"Proletarian language is dictated by hunger. The poor chew words to fill their bellies."

"Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling."

"A cliche is everything you've ever heard of."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life."

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
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