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Dave Barry

"The Hawaiian language is quite unusual because when the original Polynesians came in their canoes, most of their consonants were washed overboard in a storm, and they arrived here with almost nothing but vowels. All the streets have names like Kal'ia'iou'amaa'aaa'eiou, and many street signs spontaneously generate new syllables during the night."

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"The Hawaiian language is quite unusual because when the original Polynesians came in their canoes, most of their consonants were washed overboard in a storm, and they arrived here with almost nothing but vowels. All the streets have names like Kal'ia'iou'amaa'aaa'eiou, and many street signs spontaneously generate new syllables during the night."

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Akiroq Brost

"Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn't? I mean, I'm trying to figure out why I can't seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do."

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Akiroq Brost

"To handle a language skillfully is to practice a kind of evocative sorcery."

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Akiroq Brost

"Proletarian language is dictated by hunger. The poor chew words to fill their bellies."

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Akiroq Brost

"If the tongue had not been framed for articulation, man would still be a beast in the forest."

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Akiroq Brost

"Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling."

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Akiroq Brost

"But language is wine upon his lips."

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Akiroq Brost

"You can use the power of words to bury meaning or to excavate it."

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Akiroq Brost

"A cliche is everything you've ever heard of."

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Akiroq Brost

"My heritage is English, so I'm proud to be back here."

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Akiroq Brost

"A lexicographer a writer of dictionaries a harmless drudge."

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"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
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"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."
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"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."
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"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."
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"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."
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"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life."
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"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."
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"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
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"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."
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"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
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