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"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
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"The value of time is immeasurable."
"Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one's Tuesday."
"Don't equate effective living to being busy."
"People wish to learn to swim and at the same time to keep one foot on the ground."
"Time passes..and a billion lives are affected in ways we'll never know."
"Time is standing still, but we are running away from it and complaining that time is slipping away from us."
Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
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