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Emo Philips

"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

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"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

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Donna Grant

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

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"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

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Donna Grant

"Agnes Darling, if such should be we never meet again, while firing my last shot, I will gently breathe the name of my wife - Agnes - and with wishes even for my enemies I will make the plunge and try to swim to the other shore."

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Donna Grant

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

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Donna Grant

"I think it all comes down to relationships - how I treat my wife, how I treat my kids, how I treat the guys at the grocery store, all aspects of every day, what I'm involved in."

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Donna Grant

"I had been in a film, playing a young British aristocrat. My wife told me that she was invited to a dinner and she invited me to dinner and the hostess had seen me and said, 'You cannot bring him.' but I think that I've done enough to shatter the image."

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Donna Grant

"And I had to take care of a little dog too named Suzy. It was the promoter's wife's - Judy Lynn's - it was her dog. And one of my duties going on the tour was to take care of it."

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Donna Grant

"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."

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Donna Grant

"The studio rented a house for my wife in Los Angeles under a phony name to keep reporters away. Whenever I wanted to visit her and my children, I would have to sneak in the back door after dark."

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Donna Grant

"Two more years were to go by before I knew anything about William Blake. Many years later, when his wife died, my godfather gave me the two books as a remembrance."

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"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
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"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
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"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
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"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
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"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
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"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
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"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
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"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
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Emo Philips
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."
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