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"As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office."
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"As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office."

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"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention."
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"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention."

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"Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented."
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"Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented."

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"I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth."
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"I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth."

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"You can't ignore politics, no matter how much you'd like to."
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"You can't ignore politics, no matter how much you'd like to."

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"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."
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"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."

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"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America."
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"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America."

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"The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion."
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"The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion."

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"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful."
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"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful."

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"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."
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"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."

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"Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse."
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"Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse."

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