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"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."
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"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now I know why guys like to hug girls. You guys just want to cop a feel. I can't believe that I've fallen for it all these years!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've always felt so different from how I look. I meet so many pretty girls who are like, 'Here I am! Don't you want me because I look good?' That concept is so weird to me. I want to know, 'What else do you have going on?'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"You don't have to listen to those mean girls. They're just there to make you upset and make you feel bad about yourself. And you know, inside, they feel bad about themselves too. But they don't wanna admit it to anybody."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Most girls don't know what to do with what they've got."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You'd be surprised. Girls like sensitive, namby-pamby guys."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some girls are just born with glitter in their veins."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Big girls need big diamonds."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you didn't join for the girls, choose another profession."
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Personal Development
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"Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people."
Time
"I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."
Play
"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."
Girls
"I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."
Losing
"It pays to get drunk with the best people."
People
"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."
Money
"I drink to forget I drink."
Forget
"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."
Man
"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty."
Want
"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."
Diet
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