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"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."
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"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
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Personal Development

"Now I know why guys like to hug girls. You guys just want to cop a feel. I can't believe that I've fallen for it all these years!"
Author Name
Personal Development

"I've always felt so different from how I look. I meet so many pretty girls who are like, 'Here I am! Don't you want me because I look good?' That concept is so weird to me. I want to know, 'What else do you have going on?'"
Author Name
Personal Development

"You don't have to listen to those mean girls. They're just there to make you upset and make you feel bad about yourself. And you know, inside, they feel bad about themselves too. But they don't wanna admit it to anybody."
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Personal Development

"You'd be surprised. Girls like sensitive, namby-pamby guys."
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Personal Development

"If you didn't join for the girls, choose another profession."
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Personal Development

"We had a one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet apartment with four girls."
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Personal Development

"There are no rules in fights with girls. Just hurting."
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Personal Development

"Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddamn hand dies on you."
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Personal Development

"It's different hearing girls I don't even know scream my name."
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Personal Development
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"I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."
Play

"I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."
Losing

"It pays to get drunk with the best people."
People

"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."
Money

"I drink to forget I drink."
Forget

"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."
Man

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty."
Want

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."
Diet

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."
Love

"Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."
Feet
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