"He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone."

"He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone."

"Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously."

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough."

"A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie."

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking."

"Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents."

"Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

"Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back."

"Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money."

"Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty."

"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."

"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't."

"This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt."

"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen."

"Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break."

"Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense."

"Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done."

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

"One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills."

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

"Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect."

"Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air."

"To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible."

"You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten."

"Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?"