"Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married."

Irony, Work, Escape, Humor

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"Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married."

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"It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively, that was merely an unintended side effect."

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"If you see this guy drowning, do not stop him, it might be Peter trying to walk on water reaching Christ."

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"Look innocent. Have hope. "Okay. "And remember "What? "Even O.J. Simpson was acquitted."

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"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

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"You're right, my problems are the biggest problems ever," George said. "No, honestly, it's horrible to be me. I'm rich, talented, and I make girls cry.""How do you make girls cry, exactly?"George turned to her. His blue eyes widened. His lovely face took on a forlorn, deeply troubled expression. He leaned forward, and, in a theatrical whisper, said, "My past is tragic. I wouldn't want to burden you with it. It's a pain I must suffer alone. In the rain. In silence."

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"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

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"And it never even occurs to them their certainty that they are different is what makes them the same."

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"The worst thing about irony for me is that it attenuates emotion."

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"Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

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Explore more quotes by Crystal Woods

"Life's a battlefield, and we remain loyal to those who fight for us; those who'd die for us."

Loyalty

"People are like songs to me. About 60 seconds in, I'll know whether or not to add them to my 'favorites."

Intuition

"What you think, what you eat, and what you see today, shapes who you will be tomorrow."

Habits

"Just as the world spun us into existence, it will spin on long after we are gone."

Eternity

"Even when I'm sleeping, I go to places where you are."

Connection

"When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off."

Reality

"She lives like tomorrow isn't coming and yesterday never happened."

Presence

"You've jerked my heart more than your dick."

Heartbreak

"When you call me nugget.When you take pictures of me.When you dance.When you complement me.When you laugh.When your eyes squint as you smile.When we make love when we're sick.I fall more in love with you."

Romance

"I guess I just grew up thinking that when we become adults, we get to do what we love. For work, for fun, forever. I don't know where I got that from. Seems silly now."

Maturation