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"Perhaps after all she put me in her rectum. A matter of complete indifference to me, I needn't tell you. But is it true love, in the rectum? That's what bothers me sometimes. Have I never known true love, after all?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't worry, goat boy. The milkman is dead."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"A society, on occasion, can be the worst possible describer of mental health."
Society
"What is my definition of jazz? 'Safe sex of the highest order."
Music
"When a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moment, past, present, future, always have existed, always will exist."
Death
"What made marriage so difficult back then was yet again that instigator of so many other sorts of heartbreak: the oversize brain."
Relationship
"There is nothing left of him but curiosity and a pair of eyes."
Observation
"That is a very Earthling question to ask, Mr. Pilgrim. Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?''Yes' Billy, in fact, had a paperweight in his office which was a blob of polished amber with three ladybugs embedded in it.'Well, here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why."
Existence
"It pains me even now, even a million years later, to write about such human misbehaviour.A million years later, I feel like apologizing for the human race. That's all I can say."
Morality
"Things stayed peaceful in there, even as the crashing vehicles and the cries of the injured and dying reached a crescendo outside. "I fry mine in butter!" indeed."
Life
"I have no doubt that they'll tell you a lot of kind things about me when my back is turned. They may not have been behind the door when God passed out the pretty faces, but Heaven only knows where they were when He divided up the gratitude."
Behavior
"The name of the new religion," said Rumfoord, "is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent."
Religion
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