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Steven Wright

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

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"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

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"Life being full of sense and devotion to a significant goal, makes looking for my destination a significant goal."

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"We have many goals, but only one ultimate purpose of life. That purpose is to be happy."

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"God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

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"You must become aware of the need to serve humanity with your gift."

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"To have a mission is to find a thing that inspires you the most."

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"Employment is a vicious cycle."

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"Do not get a job for a living. Rather, get work."

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"To be God's heartbeat is to be an answer to his need."

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"Definition of money is the reward you get for solving people`s problems."

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"The main purpose of hobby is to promote one's self-actualization."

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Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
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Steven Wright
"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
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