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Steven Wright

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Always keep in mind how you can best use this time that you call life."

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Amber Hurdle

"Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness."

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Amber Hurdle

"Praise is the mode of love which always has some element of joy in it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Taking on challenging projects is the way that one grows and extends one's range as a writer, one's technical command, so I consider the time well-spent."

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Amber Hurdle

"The process of putting the DVD and the CD together was great fun, because it provided a good excuse for the four of us to make time to get together again. I am especially pleased with the end result of these two projects."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's possible to take that as a personal metaphor and then multiply it to a people, a race, a sex, a time. If we can keep this thing going long enough, if we can survive and teach what we know, we'll make it."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you really think about it, when watching television, you have product placement all the time."

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Amber Hurdle

"Time is standing still. We are measuring ourselves by how far we are going."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do."

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Amber Hurdle

"That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time."

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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
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Steven Wright
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
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Steven Wright
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
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Steven Wright
"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
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Steven Wright
"Why isn't the word 'phonetically spelled with an 'f?"
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Steven Wright
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
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Steven Wright
"I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them."
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Steven Wright
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
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Steven Wright
"If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?"
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