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Henny Youngman

"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

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"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

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Akiroq Brost

"I remember when metal was something you really had to search out, and now I hear it on car commercials."

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Akiroq Brost

"Having played many roles of scientific intellect I do have an empathy for that world. It's been hard on me because flying the Enterprise for seven years in Star Trek and sitting in Cerebro in X-men has led people to believe that I know what I'm talking about. But I'm still trying to work out how to operate the air conditioning unit on my car."

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Akiroq Brost

"So for a year I spent all my time hiding from Jack Charlton in the car park practising my skills."

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Akiroq Brost

"We each own one car, and we have a reasonable house. It's a lovely place to be, but it's not extravagant."

Car,
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Akiroq Brost

"The city needs a car like a fish needs a bicycle."

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Akiroq Brost

"I rememeber one time we were getting ready to go to South America and everything was packed up and in the car ready to go and I hid and I was crying because I really did not want to go, I wanted to play. I did not want to go."

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Akiroq Brost

"So I did in fact spend two and a half years in the Middlesbrough car park practising skills. But if you spend four or five or six hours a day practising, you get better."

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Akiroq Brost

"There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car."

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Akiroq Brost

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."

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Akiroq Brost

"I sing both in my shower and in my car, mostly in my car, because I have this weird thing - whenever I'm singing to the radio - my friends kind of hate it - but I pick out the harmonies in my head, and I'm singing the harmonies to the tracks and I'm jamming it out."

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Henny Youngman
"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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Henny Youngman
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
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Henny Youngman
"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
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Henny Youngman
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
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Henny Youngman
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
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Henny Youngman
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
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Henny Youngman
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
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Henny Youngman
"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number."
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