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"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Personal Development
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Personal Development
"I hate fishing, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hike when you can get in the car and drive."
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Personal Development
"I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed."
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Personal Development
"One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with."
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"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
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Personal Development
"I will never have a drink and get behind the wheel of a car. It's not illegal to drink and drive, but there becomes a certain point where it does become a crime."
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Personal Development
"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."
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"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
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"Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"
Time
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
Love
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Car
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Drink
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."
Money
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
Man
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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