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"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
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"I am clearly vulnerable on the question of socializing under circumstances not appropriate for a married man."

"Yeah, I wasn't chosen to be first. I was just chosen to command that flight. Circumstance put me in that particular role. That wasn't planned by anyone."

"I do not pretend to write much of a letter. You know under what circumstances I am writing."

"Dwell upon the brightest parts in every prospect... and strive to be pleased with the present circumstances."

"Circumstances define us; they force us onto one road or another, and then they punish us for it."

"It always remains true that if we had been greater, circumstance would have been less strong against us."

"A person who can't pay gets another person who can't pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don't make either of them able to do a walking-match."

"So interviews are a valuable tool, but under certain circumstances they'd be more valuable than others."

"When many circumstances come together, one will get food to eat. When many circumstances come together, one gets to go hungry (one will not get food to eat). One goes hungry when many more circumstances come together. A greater number of circumstances are needed for an unfavorable situation, and less for favorable situation."

"If one does not interfere in the obtained worldly life, then worldly life will run straight forward & smoothly. But one keeps interfering in the obtained worldly life. From the moment he wakes up, he interferes. If there is no interference in the unfolding circumstances one has obtained, then God's control will prevail, but by interfering one takes over the control himself."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."
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